And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
