Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
