Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
