90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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