Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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