Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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