I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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