She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
