We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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