First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
