Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
