The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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