That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
