remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
