I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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