omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
