I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
