Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
