im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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