My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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