i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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