it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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