Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
