his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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