Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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