you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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