What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
