What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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