Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
