every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
