Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
