i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
