I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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