I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
