If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I need water and some morals
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
