physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
