he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Less talking, more tequila
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
