How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
