Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
