Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
