Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
