i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Randomize
