I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
