Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
