Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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