..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
