I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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