who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
