the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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