Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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