This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Your cock deserves a montage
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
