I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
