He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
